genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
