last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
