i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
