it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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