do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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