I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
