I want to stick my p in your. b.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
