bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
