Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
