Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
