it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
