he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
