I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
