You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just pee around me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
