So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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