I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
