I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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