Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
