I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
