I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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