Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
