I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
