We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
