"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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