I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
