I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
