Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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