hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
