my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Someone signed my nipple.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
