So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
