So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
