I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
