Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
