Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Panties = found
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
