I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
