You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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