if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Still dying that you shit outside
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
