just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
