I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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