My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
