FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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