I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
