So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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