The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
