wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
