i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
