I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
