Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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