A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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