god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
