yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
