I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
