i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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