Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
